Christmas this year was what I could call a 'light-weight' one:  Christmas Eve evening was spent with a nice walk with dad around my new neighborhood, followed by a near-all-nighter designing a Christmas card to give to my relatives, as well as wrapping up on a SFM poster I was working on. 

Christmas day celebration was pot-luck lunch with my aunt & cousins; one had to work but she did give me a coffee mug as a gift before leaving early. I gave some money to my other cousins because I didn't know what they really wanted. My uncle did mention over lunch about my cousin wanting a motorbike just like one of his classmates; he did try earlier this neat electric moped that's made in Phuket: it used many bicycle components rather than motorcycles ones and has pedals so it can be ridden as either a bicycle or a motorcycle. 

I like it this way though: I really like it simple and I enjoy meeting with relatives over getting a lot of presents even when I still like the surprise factor from time to time. Ever since I moved from my childhood home, as somewhat sad as it is, it's an opportunity to de-clutter and to look at what you really need in life and that nothing lasts forever. I believe that opportunity for me to de-clutter and looking at what's important is my Christmas present for 2018...

Rainy season is finally over. Winds have changed directions- cold air from China blowing southbound. Not a cloud in sight. The air has cooled down a bit, but not cool enough to give my a/c a break. This is a time when unobstructed sunlight from a setting sun reflects a yellow-orange aura off the Bangkok skyline. I wish I could go out and take photos of the city but I'm afraid with what's going on around the world right now. 

Termites have infested my home again! I tried using vinegar directly which worked, but not really efficient as I would need to buy bottles of vinegar in bulk. There's a lot of Eco-friendly termite control services around but I have no clue who to choose yet as there are so many of them around. 

I'm barely in contact with my former high school & university classmates. I just can't get the nerve to pick up the phone to call them; I don't want to disturb them. Call me a loner; I am one. 

As for my Source Filmmaker work yes, I know I haven't been uploading anything for a while. I've been held back by my desire to create my own props over using the stock props. After proving to myself that I can make my own models in Sketchup and Blender and export the model to SFM; I figured I could make my work stand out by using less and less of the props provided in SFM and to start creating my own from scratch. But as I'm still a novice at modeling in Blender, progress is very slow; I'm currently trying to make a model of a simple Greek column which I have been putting off for nearly a month. But I am taking my time to learn the ropes of modeling 3D in Blender and perhaps create artwork from scratch in Blender & cycles.

I don't have more to say for now, but I really do miss the joy of photography. My sudden drop in the motivation to take new photos is also taking a toll and I never felt safe lugging a DSLR around a dense city. The Auto show is coming soon so I will probably give photography another try. For now, I just want to soak in adulthood and figure what sacrifices I need to make to succeed in this world when you don't exactly fit in. 

P.S. My journal writing skills is a bit lackluster: I don't do this every day and I'm trying my best to write more often even when nothing much is going on. 

Friday, March 4th, 2016

Nothing special happened the past week.

For starters, I haven't written a single journal entry in 2 years even though, as recommended by many though I should have written one every day, or perhaps, as frequent as possible. So I guess I should backtrack starting in 2013. 

I was in my senior year in college, beginning with my thesis. And to be honest, I had absolutely no clue what I wanted to do as a final project. My major was "interactive media", so it had to be an app or website. Even though a teacher had previously suggested I do a stop-motion animation short film for my thesis, the thesis professors told me I can't because it had to be something "interactive". When it was time to stand in front of the professors to present your "idea", I had no clue, so they suggested I bring my portfolio. Showing my previous 3D landscape artwork & photography, one of the professors suggested I create a web-application for my university. 

I began with my university thesis and created the 3D tour app for my university. In addition, it was my first introduction to the 3D program Sketchup. Though I was not at all proud of my project, I really had a ball with using Sketchup and it became my primary 3D modeling tool. As a result, I found my interest in graphic design fading and my interest shift towards architecture, a result of an artistic block which drove me to straight lines & shapes. 

I June last year, schedule changes in Thailand's academic time-frame pushed my graduation date to February 2015, which gave me a 7-month window to think about life. Because I have failed one class before, I was pushed back a year whilst my friends have already graduated and got jobs whilst I was trying to finish up. During my 7-months, I spent my time helping Mom & Dad with interior work in rental condos. Though I lost interest in video games, I tried playing Team Fortress 2 and had a ball with it, not just because it was free, but because the game was well done. But I felt playing video games (or doing anything sitting down whatsoever) pulled a lot of time from doing anything useful, so I'm still F2P & a novice when it comes to game-play. 

Following graduation, I started job hunting, looking for jobs in graphic design and interior design. I ended up taking a job in a small interior design and decoration business. I was sent to work sites overseeing interior decoration jobs, from condos to restaurants. It was boring, but I learned a lot about the nitty-gritty's. I've faced many obstacles along the way: for example, in a condo interior project, the client wanted a mini-bar opposite the kitchen counter. The bar in the blueprint was only 80 cm high which is too low for a bar. This solution was obvious: raise the bar higher. 
 
Working 6 days a week (sometimes 7 on a rush job), was tiring. But I was eager to learn anything. Many successful people continue learning after they finish school. 

After 5 months and 3 weeks into the job, the company let me go; they felt I wasn't that good of a fit for the job. I was burned out from working pretty badly, which I suppose is normal. I didn't want to burden them anymore. It was back to job finding mode, but this time, I knew that I didn't want to work in architecture anymore, I aimed at IT-related jobs instead. My IT skills, especially in programming, were weak. So I needed to take classes.

In October, I was sent to many computer-related classes ranging from hardware maintenance to web design. I studied PHP code; it was easy to learn but requires practice and repetition to understand; even today I can easily forget it if I don't practice. I also studied C# for database programming; it was much harder than PHP or HTML as C# has direct roots to BASIC C, one of the primary programming languages. My mom also encouraged me into making websites with Wordpress as she felt it is easier to make websites with it than to code from scratch. So I signed up another class: a one day Wordpress class. I was shown how to install Wordpress on my computer and how to create websites with it in a basic way. Sounds easy, but it isn't. It's not WIX or Weebly easy but saves more time than hand-coding if you can find the right themes and plugins. To admit, it's not the thing I enjoy doing the most, but instinct tells me that many future jobs will be internet related. And if I was to make a living, it'll have to be something internet-related. Did you know that according to a survey, in Thailand, more people use Facebook on their smartphones than on PCs?!

So that was my life for the past 2 years. If you ask where I see myself in 10 years, don't expect me to cook up an answer- yet. I'm still learning new things. I'm learning how to model stuff in 3D programs from scratch, figuring out how I can make my SFM-based TF2 fan art better and different than just the source engine defaults, animating in SFM, overcoming my fear of taking photos in the city (especially candid street photography), polishing my MS Office skills, being proficient at Wordpress, learning the ropes of Android app design/development, learning the ropes of investing my money, telling myself to keep living to the fullest, even at rock bottom. 

Life goes on.

 

In my last journal entry, I jotted down my intent to sell wallpapers online-- only to NOT do anything about it, until now.

Making a commitment to anything requires good planning & will power. I may have planned, but I had no will power, as I was unsure how I was going to sell it through my Weebly-based website. Weebly may have had 'product blocks' to sell stuff, but they were probably meant for 'tangible' products, not digital downloads. Because of that, I opted to do some research, finding websites that host digital downloads. Some charged a lot whilst others kept it cheap, or free.  For now,  I'm settling with Ecwid.com because they give you 10 product slots for free as well as a HTML widget to put on your website. IF... I find a better product hosting website (or service) though, I will change. But for now, I'm going to take advantage of those precious free slots.

Though I intend to use Digital 3D nature scenes as my primary wallpaper medium, I'll also use my photographs- I rummaged through gazillions of folders in my computer and to my surprise, found some great photographs that would make great desktop wallpaper!

I'm still only halfway before can I get my so-called 'business' set up and running. But even then, I am feeling like I'm taking a leap of faith. Many people dream of owning a business, but they never get to do it due to fear, embarrassment when oopsies happen, or just peer pressure from friends & society. I don't even know how things will turn out for this wallpaper business of mine. Nevertheless, I just want to focus on the NOW.

If you are reading this, I hope you become inspired to create an income source of your own and be able to work for yourself...


Evan